AWAKENING THROUGH CRISIS AND COMPASSION
Our task [as humans] must be to free ourselves from [the] prison [of separation] by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living beings and all of nature.
Albert Einstein
There is no birth of consciousness without pain.
Carl G. Jung
“It is hopeless,” John, a once successful Silicon Valley entrepreneur, sighed as he slid further down the huge, black sofa in my office, his eyes staring vacantly into nothingness. The 9/11 attack and natural catastrophes in Asia and New Orleans had sent him spiraling down into his already black hole of heaviness and fear, triggered by the loss of his business. Each week his list of disasters seemed to increase a thousand fold. “Did you know that the Glacier National Park will no longer exist within a decade?” He quickly added that 30 species would also be extinct in the near future, which seemed stark and uncertain. John, like many of my patients, came for help, wanting to find out how to remain calm and joyful when their lives are falling apart, drawn by the fact that in addition to being a psychotherapist, I am also a meditation practitioner.
There is an old Zen story of a warrior who was seeking enlightenment and went to ask a famous teacher about heaven and hell. Instead of answering him, the monk walked away. Enraged by the insult, the warrior chased after him, his sword already drawn. The monk turned, and stated, “This is hell.” Understanding the meaning of his words, the warrior sank to his knees and was filled with gratitude and love. The monk then pointed out, “This is heaven.” Our own response to life determines whether we are in heaven or hell. But does this mean that we should be calm and joyful no matter what pain we are going through? Having fears, anger, sadness and anxiety are all natural part of being human. It is learning how to navigate these waves of emotion that can take us either into suffering or to growth. This is the meaning behind the Chinese symbol for the word crisis, which is comprised of the characters for “danger” and “opportunity.” Similarly, in English, the root for crisis comes from the Greek word krinein, which means “to separate, sift and decide.” Crisis can crack open our normal view of the world, and our place in it. Our familiar patterns and habitual responses no longer work, which can be dangerous, if we are overcome by our fears. Yet with less fixed ideas of ourselves, crisis can be an opportunity, as it can open us to great potential for a new way of looking at and interacting with the world. Crisis is a time to separate old, restrictive beliefs, sift through what we wish to retain and make a new decision with awareness. In this sense, crisis is an initiation to expanded consciousness, unbinding us from what Einstein called our prison of (illusory) separation.
My crisis initiation occurred in 1985. I was a dutiful Chinese-Catholic wife and mother of two young children. My life was shattered by my husband’s suicide, preceded by several months of his mental disintegration, during which time he stalked me, slashed my clothes, threatened to kick me out of the house and take away my children. Although taught to be subservient and enduring, I finally summoned up courage to initiate a separation. A month later, he asphyxiated himself by monoxide poisoning, using his car in the garage. Widowed at 33, I was racked with guilt and shame, and barely able to cope with two traumatized children. Spiraling into an abyss, I plunged into a deep depression and panic attacks. Neither traditional psychotherapy nor medication could shake the heaviness in my heart nor lift the perpetual fog in my head. It was a dangerous time. If I had not had my children, suicide would have been my ‘choice’ as well.
Joseph Campbell wrote that, “In the darkness of the abyss comes the light of salvation.” As I kept descending into the darkness of my pain, my light came when one day a good friend took me to a meditation workshop. Cracked open by my crisis, I was particularly receptive, and I experienced a profound shift of consciousness. A white light penetrated my heart, filled me with bliss and my “inner eye” opened to a new dimension where I understood instantaneously the wisdom inherent in my suffering, the power of compassion and a connection to cosmic consciousness. Returning to my human world of chaos, I discovered ways to access divine wisdom, which enabled me to transform my ‘hell’ into glimpses of ‘heaven,’ riding the emotional waves and turmoil that was part of the grief and healing. For the last two decades, I have been on a spiritual odyssey of discovering the transformative power of divine consciousness, and harnessing this healing elixir. Through the crisis, I was awakened from my limiting beliefs as a dutiful, insecure wife and mother to a woman who had reclaimed her soul and was transformed into a shamanic healer who now recognizes the mysteries and lives life with compassion and gratitude.
My integrative approach to the process of healing is a reflection of Buddhist psychology, Jungian theory, ancient shamanic principles, and interpersonal neurobiology. The initial focus is the cultivation of compassionate awareness, which then serves as a container for the alchemical transformation of our frenzied emotions into wisdom. Buddhism regards compassion and wisdom as the two wings of a bird, and considers both to be essential for flight. Compassion is one of the four sacred qualities of the heart, and connotes an empathic response to the suffering of others, and a wish that the afflictions be healed and that all beings be safe and secure. When we become compassionate to ourselves, we can then be open to our own suffering without judgment and harshness, or as one of my patients stated, “to be extra kind to myself.” This attitude has a direct effect on our physical body. The heart, which has grey matter similar to the brain, sends signals and entrains brain functions, which, in turn, affects other parts of the body. Openness, empathy, and intention to alleviate the suffering of others serve to activate certain parts of the brain that promotes mindful awareness and integration, which are keys to healthy body, mind and spirit.
As I sat with acceptance and witnessed John’s profound suffering, something magical began to happen. John’s heaviness slowly dissolved, as he finally learned to have compassion towards himself. Detached from his emotions as a result of a childhood of strict discipline, John had defined himself through external accomplishment and perfectionism. He came to realize that even when he was “successful” he was never happy nor content. Guiding him through the stages of crisis, and teaching him navigation tools, including “radical listening,” John emerged from his initiation and descent, with an expanded awareness and a deeper connection to life. He no longer repressed nor judged his fears, depression, and anxiety when they surfaced. Now, he related to them as a signpost for further growth. He also learned to separate, to sift, and make better decisions about himself and the world. Returning to his true self, John started an ecological business that he gave him new meaning. “If I had not lost my [first] company and my senses, I would never have come to discover true happiness,” John smiled and sighed as he reflected on his journey. It was not an easy path. Some might have stopped after the initial shock subsided, patched up the pain, and continued with their life, still imprisoned by a sense of separation. For those who decide to view crisis as an opportunity, there is always the possibility for transformation.
We are living in a tumultuous time. Global warming is an undeniable truth. Nature is knocking on the door of awakening, telling us to become co-creators of our universe, and not its consumers. It is now up to us to answer that call, through crisis and awakening from the illusion of our ego identity. Birth of consciousness emerges from pain, but there is a path out of the suffering. Learning compassion for oneself and others is essential in dissolving the illusion of separation, which allows us to “embrace all living beings.”
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